Balancing Writing and Motherhood

My blog has moved!

Sandy Raymond — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 20:04:04 GMT

Between Lightning has been moved to a Wordpress Blog. Here is my new address:

http://sandyraymond.com

On the Other Side

Sandy Raymond — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 21:22:00 GMT

Before you got here, you were a constellation
visible only in the southern hemisphere.
I could not travel that far; I could not find you.
You were a favorite song that hadn't been written.

Months and years passed without your face.
Test after test said, "negative,"
like a bad grade, a disappointing failure,
an essay I couldn't seem to get right.

All the while the people around me
remained as inaccessible as a sunset,
and your absence lived inside me like a secret,
like a cloud over the moon, like an admonition.

Then I felt your warm heart in my belly.
I heard the galloping of a thousand horses
bringing me the gift I thought I lost forever,
bringing me an open door to life.

Now that you are here, stacking toys and Cheerios
on the floor in my warm office, while outside
snow falls from the trees; I realize that the waiting,
the hunger, and the pain were all part of your story, our story.

Eventually we get to the other side of the earth,
look at the sky, and realize how far we have come.
We see that love is all that matters,
and that we all write our own songs as we go.

Extreme Winter Blizzard Storm Watch 2009!

Sandy Raymond — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 20:06:00 GMT

I was chatting with a colleague on the phone Sunday night when she mentioned offhandedly that I might consider not coming in the next day, as she heard that the weather was going to be pretty bad. I went to Weather.com and saw this at the top of the screen:

Blizzard Warning!

Now, we live in the mountains and we do get snow, but this was ridiculous. I mean, we live in Arizona, not North-freakin-Dakota. I checked again to make sure they didn't have the wrong zip code. But no, it was really a blizzard warning. Apparently the Storm Watch had been upgraded to an Extreme Weather Alert, which had evolved into a Blizzard Warning. I've been a fan of Weather.com long enough to know that a Watch is pretty interesting. We might get some weather. An Alert is even more fun. Could mean a Snow Day! But a Warning means the Serious Shit is coming and it's time to go into full-on survival mode.

After making sure we had a enough Caffeine-Free Diet Coke, Ruffles, and baby wipes to weather the storm, I kicked back and prepared to enjoy a day at home, completely trapped and unable to reach the stack of papers in need of grading that I had left in my office seven miles away.

We did indeed get a blizzard. Here's how the day went:

7:30 A.M.

I wake up and look outside. It hasn't started snowing yet. Liars! Then I remember that they said 8:00. Then I remember that I have a 9-month-old and yet the house is strangely quiet. I peek over at his crib and see a lump. He's asleep! Is he dead? I sneak over and listen to make sure he's breathing, careful not to make any sudden movements. If he sees me, it's all over. I crawl back under the covers and get, I think, about seven more minutes of sleep, which is wonderful.

9:00 A.M.

Darin gets up and brings up enough wood from the wood pile to last us awhile. Our house is heated by a wood-burning stove. If you're tempted to feel sorry for me (everything I own smells like a camp fire), just wait, later on tonight we will be the lucky ones.

Oscar gets his first glimpse of the coming storm.

Yes, my child does own more than one pair of pajamas. And yes, I know it's cold outside. I only had the door open for, like, a second. Later on, when we sent Oscar outside for more wood, I did put a sweater on him.

11:17 A.M.

I get an email saying that Northern Arizona University is closed. Snow Day!

1:00 P.M.

The snow begins to accumulate and it gets noticeably darker outside.

2:00 P.M.

Oscar gets a bath. Because the only thing scarier than being trapped in the house with a baby for two days? Being trapped with a stinky baby. Eeewww.

Please don't look closely at our very ghetto sink.

3:30 P.M.

I decide to make a turkey dinner. We had Thanksgiving out of town, which is fun at the time, but depressing in its total lack of leftovers. I had a turkey on hand from before Thanksgiving when they were selling them for like, five cents a pound, so I threw the turkey in the oven for about four hours. It would mean eating late, around 7:30 or so, which is when Oscar goes to bed and we like to empty the contents of the refrigerator into our stomachs.

7:14 P.M.

I start peeling potatoes, thinking that I will pull the turkey out of the oven soon and want the side dishes to be ready.

7:17 P.M.

The power goes out. I almost pee my pants.

7:18 P.M.

The power comes back on. I sigh with relief.

7:19 P.M.

The power goes out.

7:20 P.M.

The power stays out.

7:21 P.M.

Darin begins gathering flashlights and candles while I keep peeling potatoes. The power will come back on. The power WILL come back on...

7:22 P.M.

The power doesn't come back on.

8:00 P.M.

I decide to take the turkey out of the oven. At least we'll have turkey for dinner. Turkey with a side of turkey! And for dessert? Turkey!

Here I am taking the turkey's temperature. Because nobody wants food poisoning during a blizzard. The poor turkey looks like we are sacrificing it on an altar.

9:00 P.M.

Having determined that the power is not coming back on and that he doesn't want to listen to any more of my charming anecdotes, Darin asks what I would like to do.

What else is there to do when you have no electricity and a lot of poultry to consume?

Don't be fooled by the fact that I'm an English teacher. I'm not good at Scrabble. In fact, I suck. Darin beats me by at least a hundred points every time. That's because I come up with words like cat and dog and he comes up with words like Quixotic (go ahead, look it up, I'll wait).

10:30

The power is still out and I decide to go to bed. Luckily for us, our house is heated by a wood stove, so it's toasty warm all night. The power doesn't come back on until after 3:00 A.M.

9:00 A.M. The Next Morning

NAU is closed again, which is a good thing, considering this is what our driveway looks like:

Letter to Oscar--Month Nine

Sandy Raymond — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 15:46:00 GMT

In the morning you always wake before me. I hear you playing with and talking to your stuffed animals, which is much better than an alarm clock. I swing my legs out of bed, stand up, and turn toward the crib. Lately you have been doing a little dance as soon as you see me. It's like a shot of espresso, heroin, and love straight to the heart. It's the best feeling in the world.

I am still nursing you, and although it has been a long struggle, and not always the easiest choice, I know it is the best thing for you. You are often easily distracted by everything around you, but sometimes, like this morning, you eat contentedly while swinging your arms to and fro as if conducting an orchestra. Who knows, maybe you will be come a musician. You certainly love making noise! When you are done nursing you always beam at me, as if I have just given you a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice. Or the world's largest cupcake.

Of all my reasons for writing this blog, my favorite is the fact that some day you will have a journal of your childhood, a record of the highs and lows of being a little boy, and what a blessing and a gift you are to those around you. You have given me so much joy that I want nothing but joy for you. If I am tempted to think of myself as too busy, if I am tempted to think that anything in this world is more important than you, all I have to do is think about how quickly this first year has gone by, and how much you have changed. The best thing you have done for me is to teach me to stop, put everything else aside, and get down on the floor with you for a little while. Making you laugh is my only job. I had no idea there could be so much joy in the world.

Of course, you also like to make raspberries with a mouth full of applesauce. Or get into the paper recycling and spread it all over the room. Now when I tear those annoying cards out of magazines, I smile and think, "It's your favorite toy!" You also love empty boxes, hot cups of tea, and climbing the bookcases to get to Mama's books. No baby books for you, thank you very much, only the biggest, heaviest works of literature will do, because the paper is thinner and easier to chew, and the because the books make a more satisfying thump when they hit the ground.

You have two bottom teeth and the two on top are now breaking through. You walk all over the place while holding on to the furniture, but haven't yet tried taking an independent step. That's okay, because Mama and Papa aren't in a hurry for you to grow up too fast. We are enjoying all of your little stages. Your papa and I want to be perfect parents, because you are such a perfect little boy. We want to create a childhood for you that is like a poem, or a symphony.

But we struggle. We are nervous and overprotective and overwhelmed. We weigh every decision and how it might impact you, from feeding to traveling to vaccinations to toys. I am constantly grappling with how to cope when my own instincts as a mom go up against the advice and wishes of the experts, the books, family, and friends. Every choice we make, we make with you and your needs at the center. We know that we are making many mistakes, but we are also creating a household filled with love and laughter. We are creating a family.

Love, Mama

My Hail Mary Pass

Sandy Raymond — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 15:59:00 GMT

Wikipedia refers to a Hail Mary pass as "any forward pass made in desperation, with only a small chance of success."

I love this.

Isn't this the way we live our lives? I know it's how I have lived mine, so often closing my eyes and throwing everything I have into some small distant spot in the future, hoping like hell that I make it.

When I moved to Flagstaff seventeen years ago I had no money, no job, no car, and no prospects of any kind except for conditional admission to Northern Arizona University. Because I had been kicked out of the U of A, had flunked out of community college (yes) and had spent the last two years working at one sucky job after another (telemarketing, bagging groceries, cleaning motel rooms...), I felt like I had nothing left to lose. So I packed up my belongings, jammed myself into the backseat of a car driven by the friend of a friend, and headed up to NAU. I had a very short period of time to get financial aid, get housing, get a job, and make decent enough grades that I was taken off of academic probation. I did all of those things.

Now I am a tenure-track professor at that same university and I live with my high school sweetheart and a magical little boy named Oscar. I have always felt like I scored the game-winning touch-down.

Except for one thing...

I haven't achieved my dream of becoming a writer.

I always assumed that by this point in my life I would be writing novel after novel, selling each one for a high advance and being able to live off of my income as a full-time writer. I'm not even close to achieving that. I've tried writing three different novels over the course of the last ten years, and none of them has broken the one hundred page mark.

Then in November I made one last attempt, one last forward pass made in desperation, with only a small chance of success. I tried to write 50,000 words in thirty days. For the first time in a long time I was able to stay focused about my writing, and more importantly I was able to stay excited about my story. The characters I was writing about came to live in my heart.

I finished! My first draft is 53,630 words long. I got this certificate to print out and the nifty winner badge in my sidebar.

My novel is nowhere near finished. The whole draft is currently a huge, unruly mess. The first half is pretty complete and polished, as is the last chapter (I actually wrote the end first), but the middle needs a lot of fleshing out and revising. I'm guessing that the final novel will be at least 90,000 words. I still have a lot of work to do.

Sleeping Baby

Sandy Raymond — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 18:05:00 GMT

For the past couple of months, ever since Oscar started standing, I've been thinking of him as a little boy instead of a baby. He does a lot of boy-like things (if I may generalize), like yelling, spitting, hitting, throwing, and banging. I love his little boy energy and his sense of humor. I get caught up in how quickly he grows and changes and I look forward to each new development.

Then there are moments like last night. He was having trouble falling asleep, so I came upstairs to nurse him again (he is easily distracted while nursing, so he often doesn't eat enough). He nursed for a long time, and fell soundly asleep. I was about to get up and dump him in his crib, when suddenly I could see the little baby he was for such a short time.

So I forgot everything I wanted to get done and I just held and rocked my baby boy, because time moves faster than ever before, and I wanted to cherish this moment.

I Capture Perfect Moments.

For more perfect moments, visit Lori

What Writers Can Learn from Bestselling Novels

Sandy Raymond — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 20:40:00 GMT

Long before Twilight, before Harry Potter, and before The Da Vinci Code, I read the book that made me want to write novels. Twenty years ago a friend handed me a thick paperback and said, "You have to read this, it's about chess." It was The Eight by Katherine Neville. It took me awhile to get around to reading it, mainly because I was not the least bit interested in chess. However, when I finally picked it up and started reading, I couldn't put it down. I stayed up all night two nights in a row to finish it. I am a rereader of books; I read my favorites again and again, and that is a book that I have reread almost every year since then. I read it because it sucks me in to the lives of a group of amazing characters, but I also read it because it teaches me more about writing and storytelling than any of the how-to-write books in my library.

Here is a list of my top five favorite bestselling novels (in reverse order of their publication), why I love them, and how they have helped my writing.

The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova

A lush, beautifully written, and scary vampire book. Kostova gives a unique historical perspective on vampires (and no, they aren't sparkly). This novel takes story-within-a-story to new heights as she has a protagonist recounting her own story, her father's story, and another story told in letters (and each of these is presented in first person!). Yet she manages to keep it all straight to produce a riveting page-turner.

The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown

What I loved about this book is its fast pace. Writers who hope their books will be turned into movies should see Dan Brown as a mentor and a model. All of his books take place in a twenty-four-hour time frame. Of course, Brown created one plot and reused it in all of his novels, but it's a good plot.

Possession by A.S. Byatt

Byatt takes "literary" fiction to new heights by inventing a 19th century writer and recreating his entire body of work in the form of letters and poems. Then she creates a protagonist who studies this writer while earning his Ph.D. in literature. I read this when I was getting my MA in literature and it made me sick with envy. Every literature professor I know wishes they had written this book. By the way, the movie sucks, so don't use it as a litmus test for whether or not to read the book.

The Secret History by Donna Tartt

This book was published when I was twenty and Tartt was twenty-eight, and I tore out and saved a magazine profile of Tartt and review of the book. This book is an educated person's mystery, and Tartt proves that your protagonist can be a college student (my creative writing professors lied to me).

The Eight by Katherine Neville

With a complex plot covering two historical time periods and three continents, Neville set the standard for smart thrillers long before Brown, Tartt, or Kostova hit the scene. You fall in love with her wacky cast of characters and get caught up in a book that is equal parts mystery, historical romance, and chess strategy.

Five Things They Have in Common

The protagonists and characters are smart and full of quirky trivia, showing off the writer's knowledge of history, literature, science and art.

People living ordinary lives are suddenly thrust into a world of mystery and adventure.

There's enough action to keep you turning pages, but the novels are richly descriptive and character-driven.

People's lives are in danger, but there is no blood and gore (or very little of it). Most of the deaths take place "off stage."

They were published as mainstream fiction, but have elements of other genres. The writers clearly did not set out to write vampire books, or a literary thrillers, or historical fiction. These novels are centered around the characters and the stories they have to tell rather than being based on the conventions of a particular genre.

What We Can Learn From the Novels We Read

Make a list of your favorite novels

Make a list of the characteristics of those novels

Figure out how the writer begins and ends chapters

Figure out how the writer deals with point-of-view

Analyze how the novel is organized and how the plot unfolds. How much exposition is there? How much dialogue? How does the writer show rather than tell?

I hate it when aspiring writers tell me they don't read, either because they don't have time or they don't want to be influenced. As writers, we have to make time to read, and not only should we want to be influenced, but we should use our favorite writers as models.

What are your favorite novels?

Finding My Way

Sandy Raymond — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 15:21:00 GMT

I really have no idea what I'm doing.

Flying by the seat of my pants is something I'm used to doing while teaching, cooking, and accessorizing, but it's not something I am entirely comfortable with when it comes to parenting. After all, I am shaping a human being.

I am continuously astonished by how being a parent has changed my life. I used to think I had it all under control, but one thing after another crumbled beneath me.

I knew I would have a home birth. I wasn't expecting to have a breech baby and an emergency c-section.
I knew I would breastfeed. I wasn't expecting three months of excruciating pain or having a baby that wanted to eat hourly at 9 months. I am now going against LLL and putting him on a schedule (gasp!).
I knew I wouldn't let my baby "cry-it-out." I wasn't expecting that he would never sleep through the night.
I knew I would co-sleep. I wasn't expecting to have a baby who slept better alone in his crib.
I knew I would not vaccinate. I wasn't expecting that I would decide to vaccine my child on a modified schedule and that I would change my whole world view about vaccinations.
I knew I would not allow Oscar to watch television. I wasn't expecting how desperately lonely it can be to be home with a baby, or how well reruns of Friends can alleviate that loneliness.
I knew I would fall in love. I just had no idea how hard.

I'm not a perfect mom, and Oscar will not be a perfect child. But one day I realized that I don't want him to be perfect. I hate perfect people!

I'm tired, so I started letting Oscar cry instead of getting up to feed him every two hours. I decided to cut out one feeding at a time, and currently his bedtime is 7:00, I feed him before I go to bed, and then he usually sleeps from around midnight until 5:00 A.M., which is HEAVENLY.

Oscar got the H1N1 vaccine. He had no side effects at all, as has been the case with all of his vaccines.

I worry A LOT. I worry that Oscar will get sick or injured. I'm actually pretty pissed that I created this magical little person, because now there is no way I could live without him.

Oscar is funny as hell. We play this game now where I yell and then he yells. Sometimes I look at him, take a deep breath, and we both yell at the same time. I have decided that this is now my all-time favorite activity.

Having a kid will really and truly ruin your life. In the best possible way.

Saturday the 14th

Sandy Raymond — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 06:16:00 GMT

Seventeen months ago I woke up on Saturday, June 14th, knowing I was pregnant, because I had just taken a pregnancy test the day before.

Exactly eight months after that, I woke up on Saturday, February 14th, knowing I was a mom, because Oscar was born the night before.

This morning I woke up on Saturday, November 14th, knowing I was the luckiest woman in the world, because I could look over and see the face of my nine-month-old little boy.

Thank you, Oscar, for making every day special.

Nanowrimo Day Fourteen--Word Count 29,067

Sandy Raymond — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 06:07:00 GMT

I have officially passed my previous personal best of 28,000 words for Nanowrimo. This is my sixth year participating and this is the most I've ever written. Actually, this is the most I've written on any novel, ever.

I want to thank everyone who has been following along and cheering me on.

The word count widgets seem to be working again, so I put mine back underneath my profile. This way if I don't get a chance to post every day, you can still follow my word count.

Halfway! Wordcount--25,875

Sandy Raymond — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 05:09:00 GMT

I am halfway to my goal of 50,000 words for the month of November and I couldn't be more excited. I'm a little nervous because my plot is getting pretty big and I'm afraid I'm going to lose track of it all together. I need to make a list of characters and locations to help me keep track of everything, not to mention an outline of some kind. The most words I've ever written during Nanowrimo was 28,000, and it looks like I am AT LEAST going to pass that previous personal best.

Tomorrow Oscar is 9 months old! His birthday falls on Friday the 13th, and since he was born on a Friday the 13th I'm thinking of having a little party for him. All this means is just me, Darin, Oscar, and a cupcake. Because sometimes I need an excuse to eat a cupcake. I'll probably wait until Oscar is in bed because we are not ready to give him sugar yet.

Tomorrow is also his routine appointment with his pediatrician. I'm curious to find out how much he weighs. I will also know more about the H1N1 vaccine (whether or not it's available and whether or not I'm going to give it to Oscar).

I sense another blog post coming on!

Nanowrimo Day Nine and Ten--Word Count 22,239

Sandy Raymond — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 05:41:00 GMT

I haven't missed my nightly writing session! For those of you who were wondering (I think two people might still be reading this blog, lol) I didn't post last night because I wanted to leave up the picture of Oscar for one more day. I have the feeling people might be getting sick of these NaNoWriMo posts.

I am almost halfway there! However, my story is not halfway completed, so I think this novel might end up being longer than 50,000 words. I can't type as fast as the story comes to me, and last night I woke up twice thinking about what was going to happen next.

The word count widgets I grabbed from the NaNoWriMo website are malfunctioning, so I've temporarily removed them from the sidebar.

Hope everyone is doing well! Now back to my story...

Perfect Moment Monday--Book Worm

Sandy Raymond — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 01:14:00 GMT

You might notice that top shelf of the bookcase behind Oscar is empty. That's because Oscar loves to pull everything off it! We got tired of putting everything back, and now just leave it empty except for Oscar's books and toys.

Oscar loves books. He loves to stack them, throw them, chew on them, and best of all...actually look at them.

My favorite moments are when it's quiet and I look over at Oscar in his exersaucer or on the floor bent over a book, turning the pages as best he can and looking at the pictures. The book he's holding in this picture is called Baby 123 and it's currently his favorite. I keep thinking he'll get tired of it, but he never does. It's the one book he'll sit still for when I read it to him.

As a life-long book lover, I look forward to teaching Oscar about books and sharing my favorites with him. I only hope he will love them too.

I Capture Perfect Moments.

For more perfect moments, visit Lori

Nanowrimo Day Eight--Word Count 18,594

Sandy Raymond — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 05:57:00 GMT

This is the first time in my entire life, since I decided in the seventh grade that I wanted to be a writer, that I have written consistently every night for a week. I didn't even write this consistently when I was writing my dissertation.

My novel is clipping along. Something truly astonishing happened tonight. I cried when writing about one of my characters. She is alive for me now, and I feel more compelled than ever to tell her story, which is no longer my story, but now belongs entirely to her.

Nanowrimo Day Seven--Word Count 16,240

Sandy Raymond — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 06:12:00 GMT

Still plugging along. Not much to write about today. My fingers hurt and I'm tired. I feels really good to keep up with and exceed my goal of writing 2000 words each day. I'm 2,240 words ahead of my goal and more than 4,000 words ahead of where I need to be to make 50,000 words in thirty days.

I added a couple of new widgets to my sidebar which show my writing progress. I probably won't keep all three; I'm trying to decide which one I like best.

I like the one that says I am 1/3 of the way done with my novel!

My plot is beginning to get complicated. Tomorrow I need to do a little research and outlining.

Nanowrimo Day Six--Word Count 14,046

Sandy Raymond — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 06:04:00 GMT

This is how I felt tonight when I sat down to write. I was so tired that I almost skipped this writing session. I've been writing at night after Oscar goes to bed, and tonight I thought I wouldn't be able to keep my eyes open. A familiar little voice told me that I'm ahead on my word count, so it's ok to skip, JUST THIS ONCE.

This is the same voice that tells me it won't hurt to have a couple of cookies (right before I eat the whole package). In other words, it's the voice of the devil. The one that sits on my shoulder and laughs at me when i write a sentence and asks me who I think I am, trying to write a novel. Who am I kidding? It's the one that makes my angel cry.

Tonight was different. Tonight I knew that if I skipped, the spell would be broken and I would be done. It's that simple. If I miss one night, I'm done. You might think that this is crazy, extreme thinking, but I know how my mind words. I know about motivation and momentum.

So I sat down with various treats to keep me going and I began typing. And I typed, and typed, and typed. When Oscar woke up and cried, Darin went upstairs and got him to go back to sleep.

That's true love.

And for one more night, I am a writer.

Nanowrimo Day Five--Word Count 11,059

Sandy Raymond — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 06:21:00 GMT

Today I didn't get much writing done because I had to drive out to Monument Valley to observe a student teacher. It's a three-hour drive each way, so by the time I got home I was exhausted. I played with Oscar for awhile, put him to bed, ate dinner, and almost fell asleep at 9:00 with no writing under my belt at all.

Then Oscar woke up.

By the time I nursed him and got him settled down and back to sleep I was wide awake. So I decided to come downstairs and write. I couldn't get the strange landscapes I saw on my drive today out of my head, so I decided to incorporate them into my novel. Anyway, this part of Arizona is the perfect setting for one of my characters.

So what do I do while driving? I listen to a wonderful podcast by Mur Lafferty called I Should Be Writing. Not only is it fun to listen to and filled with great advice and references to resources, but it also gives me the motivation and the kick in the pants I need to keep writing. I am still on track with my word count, and even a little ahead, which means I am probably about to get the flu.

Nanowrimo Day Four--Word Count 9185

Sandy Raymond — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 05:10:00 GMT

I've wanted to be a writer ever since I was a little girl. I've always loved reading and telling stories, but I have never realized my dream of writing a novel. I have participated in NaNoWriMo for years, but I have never "won" or met my goal. This time around, no matter how tired I am each night, I am excited to sit down and write. I've figured out why. This time around, I'm not trying to win, I'm not trying to meet a goal, and I'm not even trying to write a novel.

I'm telling a story.

Nanowrimo Day Three--Word Count 7097

Sandy Raymond — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 05:13:00 GMT

I had my doubts today. After taking care of Oscar and trying to grade papers all morning, I didn't get any writing done. However, I have found that once he goes to bed the story just wants to flow out of me, and again I am ahead of my word count goal.

Writing 50,000 words in thirty days requires putting down a minimum of 1,667 words each day. To give myself a little bit of a cushion in the beginning, I've set a goal of 2,000 words each day. Since by the end of the third day I am over 7,000 words, I'm right on track and a little ahead. I don't anticipate maintaining this pace, but I'm having fun while it lasts.

I am currently finished with chapter one and well into chapter two. I've received some requests to release another excerpt (or three!) so I'm toying with the idea of posting a completed chapter each week. Let me know in the comments if you'd be interested. You can read the first excerpt here.

Blog Book Giveaway!

Sandy Raymond — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 17:24:00 GMT

I love books about writing and blogging, but some are more helpful than others. One of my favorites is The Huffington Post Complete Guide to Blogging. This book not only covers the basics of blogging, but also delves into the fascinating history of The Huffington Post blog. The book is packed with useful information and resources, as well as essays on blogging from Nora Ephron, Larry David, Al Franken, and Steve Martin (among others).

Now I want you to have a copy! This is my very first giveaway, and this is not a sponsored giveaway. Enter to win below and a winner will be chosen randomly on Friday at 12:30 P.M. Mountain Time.

To enter (open to North American residents only):

1. Leave a comment on this post and tell me why you love to blog. Your comment should link to your blog or website.

2. Follow me on Twitter or let me know if you already do: @alittlesandy

3. Tweet the following: Enter to win The Huffington Post Complete Guide to Blogging! @alittlesandy Blog Book Giveaway bit.ly/4iq8rh
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Nanowrimo Day Two--Word Count 5292

Sandy Raymond — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 05:58:00 GMT

5000

Isn't that a beautiful number? Do you know what it means? It means I am one tenth of the way done. One tenth! That means I only have to write this much ten more times.

I think I might actually do this.

Perfect Moment Monday--A New Hat!

Sandy Raymond — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 05:12:00 GMT

There is nothing like going to the mailbox and finding a nice, fat package among the bills and junk mail. Earlier this week I got this wonderful knit pumpkin hat from Kristin over at Dragondreamer's Lair. She made it herself and I was lucky enough to win it as part of her blogoversary giveaway. She knit it herself; isn't it wonderful? What made this perfect moment even more perfect was the fact that it actually fit my head. If you don't already know this about me, I have an enormous head. I can count on one hand the number of hats that I have found in my lifetime that actually fit my head. Of course, I do have a bit more luck with knit hats, but they usually squeeze my head. This one fits beautifully and is warm and comfortable. Thanks Kristin!

I Capture Perfect Moments.

For more perfect moments, visit Lori

Nanowrimo Day One--Word Count 2742

Sandy Raymond — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 04:29:00 GMT

Today I managed to achieve, and surpass, my goal of writing 2,000 words. I was proud of myself until I looked at the NaNoWriMo website and saw that some people have already written 10,000 words. In one day! That's a lot of typing.

National Novel Writing Month is a thirty day writing marathon that invites participants to write 50,000 words in thirty days, during the month of November. That's about 1,700 words each day. Although this is actually a reasonable goal (it takes me about two hours to write that much) I have never been able to complete 50,000 words. This is the year!

My novel is called The Fortune Teller's Daughter. You can read an excerpt below.

The Fortune Teller's Daughter

They come from all over, the young and old, the superstitious and the conservative alike. They part the old blue curtains that Meg made for me, the ones with the moons and the stars that I thought were all wrong, but that turned out to be perfect. They sit at my little wooden table and hold out their hand. I am a student of hands; I know the deep groove that cuts along the palm, separating the thumb from its sisters. Some hands have barely any lines at all, as if that person doesn’t exist; their touch upon the world is so light. Other hands are crossed with caverns and crevices and scars, telling not one story but many, of a life filled with joy and adventure and tragedy.

I am sometimes surprised by my customers. Of course, the bored housewives always come, hoping for something more from their future. Lovers come looking for evidence that their love has been written into the stars. Young women come hoping to find out they will either get married or get pregnant. But also, sometimes, a working class man with calloused hands, dirt driven into the corners by years of backbreaking work. Yesterday I had a Baptist minister, looking for help with his congregation. I also get the elderly, looking not to their future but to their past.

I think some of them come simply because I hold their hand. I am, of course, only doing my job, but my hands are warm and I am gentle, and I look carefully into their eyes and try to tell them what they want to hear, that everything will turn out ok, and that they are in control of their fate.

What moved me to finally tell my story was a woman who came looking for her son. She asked for the cards, and as I unwrapped them from their piece of silk and slapped them down one at a time on the table she pulled at a loose thread on her sleeve. She would not meet my eye. Finally, when she heard my silence as I studied the cards she looked up and said, “I know that you can find people, because you’ve done it before."

Oscar's First Halloween

Sandy Raymond — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 17:38:00 GMT

I had high hopes for this Halloween, Oscar's first. Having a baby has renewed my sense of excitement about the holidays; normally I am something of a scrooge. This Halloween I imagined finding the perfect costume for Oscar, getting a professional portrait done, carving a pumpkin, baking cookies, and drinking hot cider. Ha! Old habits die hard, and as usual, I waited until the last minute. Who knew that grocery stores actually run out of pumpkins?

I was disappointed in the selection of costumes for children. I imagined something like comfy pajamas with cute ears and tails. Instead, I found an array of cheap plastic crap. Most of costumes (even the ones labeled for 6-12 month infants) looked huge and ill-fitting. Even if they were the right size, I don't think I would put that garbage on my son. I may change my mind when he's five and begging to be Captain Jack Sparrow, but right now I have slightly higher standards. Unfortunately, high standards require time, and I ran out of that.

I finally decided to make his costume, but since I have neither a sewing machine nor sewing skills, this required some quick thinking and a little imagination. I finally had a eureka moment when I was standing in the middle of Target looking at miniature black sweat pants. A kitty! Black sweats, ears, whiskers. How hard could it be? So I bought the sweats and went to Michael's for some black felt and black cardboard. Using an old headband, black and white felt, cardboard, and a stapler, I made his ears. Then Darin drew on his nose and whiskers using an eyeliner pencil.

Doesn't Oscar make a cute kitty?

Finally, I dressed myself in black and made a hat using cardboard and tape. I added a broom I found at the Dollar Store and...

A witch and her familiar!

Oscar managed to stay in his costume for about half an hour, to the delight of our handful of trick-or-treaters. Then I put him to bed, put my feet up, and ate a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup.

It wasn't quite the perfect Halloween I imagined, but there's always next year!

Halloween = Candy!

Sandy Raymond — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 15:06:00 GMT

I love candy. And please, please don't tell me my name rhymes with candy. Because that? I've heard it before. Not funny. Oh, the things you get called when your name happens to be an adjective.

Halloween is to me what Vegas is to a gambling addict. On Halloween I give myself permission to eat as much candy as I want.

Ok, who am I kidding, I always give myself permission to eat as much candy as I want. But most days I do try to avoid this aisle in the grocery store:

Right now there are three bags of candy in my house. I am practically giddy with anticipation. For some people, Halloween means costumes and decorations and carving pumpkins. Meh. Just give me some candy and I'm happy. In fact, I pray for no trick-or-treaters because more candy for me. Right before sundown I panic and think, we don't have enough candy, and I run out to buy another bag. We have a huge silver bowl that I fill with a variety of different types of candy, even though we only get about four trick-or-treaters each year.

Today I'm going into town one more time to try to find a costume (or stuff to make a costume) for Oscar. Because for him to not have a costume on his first Halloween is a travesty. But to me, his first Halloween will be the first Halloween when he can eat candy. I can't wait to teach him all about candy, and find out his favorites, and steal from his Halloween stash.

Some people have a weakness for donuts, cookies, pastries, or chocolate. But my weakness is candy. And by that I mean sugar candy, not chocolate. Sweettarts, Spree, Smarties, Nerds, licorice, taffy, gumdrops, jelly beans, and candy corn.

What is your favorite candy?

Letter to Oscar--Months Seven and Eight

Sandy Raymond — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 15:18:00 GMT

You are still not letting me sleep at night, but during the day you are so good I can't complain. This morning as I watch you sit on the floor in my office, playing contentedly, I realize how lucky I am. Just seeing seeing your straight little back and your head bent over your toys fills me with so much love and so much joy I feel like it's going to spill out of my body. I love watching you play and explore. The world is reduced to a bright color, an interesting texture, or a new sound. Everything that is nonessential falls away. I love your mischievous grin, and the fact that you will stop at nothing to get what you want.

These last two months have been full of changes. You are now sitting unassisted, crawling, pulling yourself up to standing, and getting into everything. You've inherited your mother's love of both talking and eating. You have two new teeth and cutest smile I've ever seen. Lately I see less of the baby you were and more of the boy you are becoming. This makes me feel excited and sad at the same time. Last night when I swaddled you in a towel after your bath and held you like I used to when you were tiny, I realized just how much you've grown. I love to put you on my hip and carry you around, and I love the way you cling to me like I am the center of your little world. That won't always be the case, and I'm trying to enjoy it while it lasts. I love taking you places and watching you look around and absorb your surroundings. You are very curious about the world, and I'm so excited about all of the things I get to teach you and all of the adventures we're going to have.

I love watching you with Papa. You look more and more like him every day, and I hope that you also inherited his kindness, creativity, and sense of humor. I love that we are now a family of three, our own little unit, sharing our lives together. Oscar, you have changed us for the better, and I can't remember what life was like before you came.

Love, Mama

Wordless Wednesday--Teeth!

Sandy Raymond — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 16:20:00 GMT

Perfect Moment Monday--Fall Interlude

Sandy Raymond — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 05:35:00 GMT

Before last year, fall was my least favorite season. It's always the busiest time of year for me, a crowded semester teaching and supervising student teachers, traveling for two conferences and Thanksgiving, and trying to get ready for the holidays. Plus, the nice long days begin to disappear and the weather turns cold. All of these things used to depress me. But last fall all of that changed. This time last year I was over twenty weeks pregnant, had just had a level II ultrasound showing that I was carrying a healthy baby, and felt for the first time that I might actually have a live baby.

This fall I have a seven-month-old who is energetic, eager to learn, and full of life. When I find myself getting caught up in the busyness and craziness of work and life, I try to find time to sink back down into the world of a small child. A child who lives in the moment, and a child who make me realize how lucky I am to be part of his life.

I Capture Perfect Moments.

For more perfect moments, visit Lori

Traveling with a Baby

Sandy Raymond — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 15:01:00 GMT

This was our first time traveling with Oscar, except to take him to Tucson (several hours by car) to visit family. The trip involved traveling by car, taxi, plane, and boat and staying in a hotel and on the ship. I started researching traveling with a baby months before the trip, and was surprised by how little practical information I could find, beyond the usual admonitions to leave the baby behind with family or friends (which wasn't going to happen).

Here is what I found to be necessary or helpful when traveling with a baby:

Ergo Baby Carrier

I had little success with babywearing until a friend of mine recommending this carrier, which works for children up to 40 pounds. It's so comfortable I don't feel like I'm carrying anything. You can wear your baby on the front or back or on your hip. I love this carrier for running errands and hiking in the woods. Oscar loves it too. It even has a cover to keep out the sun and rain. It's on the pricey side for a carrier but worth every penny.

Umbrella Stroller

As much as I love carrying Oscar in the Ergo, we found that having a cheap, lightweight umbrella stroller was a life-saver while traveling. This was great for walking around the boat and around town, taking Oscar to the buffet, and moving quickly and easily through the airport. The flight attendants always checked it for us at the gate and gave it back to us when we got off the plane at our destination. Here is a travel tip: strollers and car seats are not counted as part of your checked baggage or carry-on baggage allowance.

Backpack Diaper Bag

Having a backpack made it easy for us to carry Oscar's stuff (why do babies need so much stuff?) while pushing him in the stroller. A roomy backpack also allowed us to add our own bathing suites and sunscreen (and mandatory copy of People Magazine) when heading to the beach, instead of having to take a separate bag. Get one with a lot of different sized compartments and be sure to bring along plenty of Ziploc bags for stashing wet suits and dirty diapers.

IPlay Babywear Sunhat

WhatI love about this hat is that it's reversible! Cool, lightweight and easy towash, this hat comes in a variety of colors and has a wide brim thatcovers Oscar's face, ears, and neck. It has a chin strap to hold it on and Oscar wore it for hours at a time without a fuss. Can be folded small enough to fit in a pocket.

Baby Sunscreen (not recommended for babies under six months)

Essential for any outdoor activity or vacation. We really slathered this on, but probably not as often as we should have. Make sure it's a no-tears formula and fragrance free. Keep a tube stashed in your diaper bag at all times.

Huggies Little Swimmers

Great diapers for taking a baby or toddler swimming! These worked well in the pool and the ocean. They are designed so the lining doesn't swell up when it gets wet, they are durable, and they stay on.

Hyland's Teething Tablets

This all-natural, homeopathic teething remedy is a lifesaver. I swear these tiny tablets help Oscar sleep better at night. My friend Colleen says they have a placebo effect on the parents. They dissolve instantly, so there's no choking hazard or messy droppers. Unlike infant Tylenol, there are no side effects or danger of overdose. Oscar loves to shake the bottle, so they double as a toy.

Healthy Times Organic Teething Biscuits

I call them cookies but they look a little like dog biscuits. Oscar loves them, and giving him one is a great way to keep him quiet and occupied. They contain all natural ingredients, and no wheat or dairy, so they're safe for babies six months and older. Although they are very hard and travel well, they are messier than you might think, and you shouldn't leave your little one unattended with one of these, as they have a tendency to break apart after awhile.

Mesh Fruit and Vegetable Feeder

I use these to give Oscar pieces of apple, which he loves and which are normally a choking hazard. They are also great for ice cubes to soothe teething pain.

Gerber Organic Baby Food

When traveling it's nice to have some ready-made baby food on hand. What I like about this food is that it's in plastic containers with snap-on lids, so you can avoid having to tote around glass jars in your suitcase or diaper bag.

Oscar at Sea Part III--Debarkation is Not a Word

Sandy Raymond — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 17:16:00 GMT

Getting off the ship is not a simple matter of walking down the gangplank. You have to "debark." I found this term annoying. Isn't it "disembark"? My 900-lb unabridged dictionary says that debark and disembark mean the same thing. Damn. Why wasn't I consulted? "Debark" sounds like something I'd like to have done to my neighbor's dog. "Disembark" is much more elegant; I'm picturing women with parasols.

Every morning our ship, after sailing all night, would stop at a new port. We stopped at St. Thomas, Dominica, Barbados, St. Lucia, Antigua and St. Kitts. Despite the fact that our room had no windows (it's a very strange sensation to have no idea what time of day it is outside) I always knew we were about to make port because the ship would start to shudder and vibrate. I loved this feeling. I would lay in bed and think, "Oh, I guess I better get up soon." Sometimes I would hear Oscar chattering in his crib, or banging away at the metal bars. The crib they gave him to sleep in looked like something out of a Dickens novel.

We were usually up, dressed, organized, and at breakfast by around 9:00. My idea of a relaxing vacation is to loll around in bed until a more respectable hour, say, 10:00 A.M. or so. But we had Places to Go! and People to See! I have to admit, I'd probably rather be on a sun drenched beach than under the covers.

We got our share of sun drenched beaches on St. Thomas, Barbados, and Antigua. Darin and I got to go snorkeling at all three beaches and had three very different experiences. On Barbados we got to swim with and touch sea turtles and on Antigua we saw beautiful coral and colored fish. As someone who loves the water but has never felt entirely comfortable swimming, I had mixed feelings about trying snorkeling, but was surprised to find that I love it. It's relatively easy and relaxing.

One of the best parts of the cruise was the kindness and friendliness of the staff and the other guests on the ship toward our baby. In the dining room they never forgot to bring Oscar's steamed vegetables (sweet potato was his favorite) or his dinner rolls (he liked to suck on these for awhile then throw them on the floor. We spent most of our time in the dining room retrieving rolls from under the table). I was nervous that people would make snarky remarks about babies, especially when Oscar fussed in the dining room or when I breastfed in public areas. We got nothing but smiles and questions about Oscar. He even made friends, and everywhere we went people would say, "Hey Oscar" when passing by.

One of the worst parts of the cruise were the cab rides on the islands. No car seat, no seat belts. They really cram you into the little (barely air-conditioned) vans, and I would have to hold Oscar on my lap while the drivers sped along narrow, two-lane highways. Thankfully nothing happened!

Overall, the trip was fun but exhausting. Would I do it again? Yes, but at a slightly slower pace, and with a few small changes (such as bringing along a nanny). The inconvenience of traveling with an infant was rewarded by seeing Oscar's face whenever we took him in the water.

Stay Tuned for Part IV: Stuff You Need When Taking a Baby on a Boat.

Oscar at Sea Part II: Caribbean Dreamin'

Sandy Raymond — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 01:44:00 GMT

Our first port was St. Thomas. The plan was to meet our group on the dock to take a ferry to nearby St. John's where we would attend a vow-renewal ceremony for some friends. Since it was our first time traveling with Oscar, however, we ended up taking twice as long to get ready as we thought we would and we were late. After discovering that we missed our group, we decided to take a cab to the ferry to try to catch up with everyone. In the rush of the morning and in our inexperience, we left the boat with little cash and no credit card, and when we got there, we realized that if we took the ferry we wouldn't have enough for a cab ride back to the boat. So we stood there, far away from our ship, momentarily at a loss for what to do. Darin found a map and we saw that Sapphire Beach (which we had heard good things about) looked close by so we decided to try walking there. We headed off down the road: a narrow, winding, two-lane highway with no shoulder. In the middle of the Caribbean. With a seven-month-old.

I was wearing sandals and trying to push Oscar's stroller through the rocky sand. It was hot and humid and cars went whizzing by every few seconds (on the wrong side of the road no less). Clearly we had lost our minds. After walking probably the better part of a mile, we finally came to a huge hill that didn't allow us to see what was on the other side. Darin told me to wait with Oscar while he ran to the top to see if there was any point in going further. He came running back and said he could see the water. It was one of happiest moments of my life!

As we crested the hill, there in front of us was a sign for the Sapphire Beach Resort. We walked down the hill toward the gate and saw a guard booth. My heart sank. Surely they wouldn't let riff-raff like us into their pristine resort. I braced myself for an imposing guard, but instead a large Caribbean woman stepped out and gave us a big grin. She looked at Oscar and said, "You got that baby all bent!" She asked us if we were going to the beach, we said yes, and she sent us in the right direction and welcomed us to the island. Just before we got to the beach we found a gaggle of cab drivers lounging under a tree. We asked them about a ride back to the ship, and they quoted a fare we could afford and said they would be available all day. We were set.

What can I say about this beach? It was the most beautiful, heavenly beach I have ever been to. Turquoise water stretching as far as the eye can see. Clean white sand. Trees for shade. The only beaches I'd ever been to before are in San Diego and Los Angeles, packed with tourists, teenagers, smokers, boom boxes, and beer. Here, it was so peaceful and quiet that a little flock of birds resting in the sand near us never moved.

We immediately stripped down to our bathing suits and plunged into the water. It was Oscar's first time in the ocean and he had a ball. The water was the perfect temperature. We rented snorkeling equipment and took turns going out while one of us stayed with Oscar and watched him as he napped, made friends with a local iguana, and ate some sand.

For me it was the best day of the whole trip. Although we would see many wonderful sites and visit beautiful beaches on other islands, we wouldn't find the same degree of beauty and tranquility again. It was just the three of us, our little family, experiencing one of those serendipitous moments that can never be planned, and that can only happen when you least expect it.

Stay tuned for Oscar at Sea Part III: Debarkation is Not a Word

Oscar at Sea

Sandy Raymond — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 04:57:00 GMT

We are back home after traveling to Puerto Rico and the Caribbean Islands with Oscar. The trip was both wonderful and exhausting (if you've ever traveled with an infant you know what I mean). I'm glad to be home!

We had so many adventures that I decided while writing this up for my blog that I would break it into four parts.

Part I: Planes, Boats, and Taxis

This trip was Oscar's first time on a plane (except when I was pregnant), on a boat, and riding in a car without a car seat (easily some of the scariest moments of my life). It was fun traveling with him; he's so curious about everything around him and he's so good natured and fun. He attracts a lot of attention. However, it's also very tiring because he never stops moving except when he's sleeping. He's a baby on the go.

Last Saturday we flew from Tucson to San Juan, Puerto Rico. For Darin's 40th birthday, Darin's parents took us along on a cruise with them and their family. As part of the trip we got to fly first class. We'd never flown first class before and it was pretty fun. No little foil packages of peanuts! Instead, they give you a real glass and a little dish of warm mixed nuts.

As you can see, Oscar was pretty blown away by the whole experience.

We arrived in San Juan and went straight to our hotel. Getting the luggage from the airport to the hotel was something of an ordeal. Let me tell you, babies need a lot of stuff. Oscar really needs a personal assistant. Oh, wait, that's me. Luckily, the hotel had a pool, and the next morning we went swimming first thing after breakfast before it was time to head over to the boat. Oscar loves the water. He's like a fish that's been living in the desert for years and finally gets to come home.

Look how green it is. This ain't Arizona.

On Sunday we boarded our boat, the Carnival Cruise Ship Victory, and I learned something new. You don't simply board a ship. Oh no. Boarding is for losers. You embark. And when you get off a ship, that's right, you debark. More on that in Part III: Debarkation Is Not a Word.

Here I am with Oscar in the Ergo carrier. More on that in Part IV: Stuff You Need When Taking a Baby on a Boat.

It rained in San Juan but after that we had beautiful weather for the entire cruise, except for the fact that it was a little too hot. One of our taxi drivers, who spent his life on the island of St. Kitts, told us it was hotter than he could ever remember it being. I knew we were in the tropics because my skin felt dewy soft but my hair turned into something I don't want to think about.

The first night on the boat there was a big party on the deck (Carnival is the party cruise line), but we mostly hung out in our little windowless room with Oscar. Oscar was pretty disappointed that I didn't let him sing karaoke.

If you've never been on a cruise, let me tell you, they are geared toward people who get bored very easily. I've never seen so many activities in my life. There's dancing, drinking, magic shows, bingo, trivia contests, water slides, and shopping. They even have a club for Scrabble players. Oh, and eating. Have I mentioned the eating? You can literally eat 24 hours a day.

Here I am studying the room service menu while Oscar investigates the shore excursions.

In addition to buffets, room service, and the 24-hour pizza and ice cream station, they have fine dining every night. Two of those nights you even get to dress up. Here are Oscar and me before dinner. Don't we clean up well? Of course, after dinner we were both covered with mashed potatoes and soggy teething biscuit crumbs, but it was fun to be dressed up while it lasted.

On Sunday night we set sail for St. Thomas and the Caribbean. Over the next week we would experience some of the happiest moments of our lives, and also some of the most stressful. I guess that's the nature of travel and the magic of leaving home.

Stay tuned for Oscar at Sea Part II: Caribbean Dreamin'

Two Years, 100 Posts

Sandy Raymond — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 03:53:00 GMT

I started this blog on September 11, 2007, and this is my 100th post. So it's a double blogoversary for me!

Looking over my posts during the last two years, there are five that stick out as significant. I've linked to the original post, followed by a brief reflection about that post and how it relates to my life now.

Just Another Manic Monday

This was my first post, written about being locked in the principal's office and reflecting on the anniversary of September 11th.

Stopping by My Blog on a Snowy Evening

This post is deeply moving to me as a new mom, because it's about my life before Oscar. I always cherished the quiet winter evenings Darin and I spent together. I love the snow, how hushed and peaceful the world becomes, and that's why I love this post. While we will hopefully have many snowy winters ahead, but with Oscar around, they certain won't be hushed and peaceful!

Pork Belly Futures

My ten-minute play, which was selected to be performed at the local theatre and which won first place at the Northern Arizona Playwriting Festival the day before my positive pregnancy test. It was a wonderful week! I didn't announce my pregnancy on my blog until much later.

Week Fifteen Update

Toward the end of my fourteenth week of pregnancy I had some minor bleeding. Because it was slight and stopped quickly I decided to wait until my midwives appointment to ask about it. However, at that appointment the midwife could not find a heartbeat with her doppler heartbeat monitor. Darin and I both cried, certain the pregnancy was over. Our midwife sent us for an ultrasound, and of course, all was well. At the age of 37, I felt like I couldn't take one moment of the pregnancy for granted. I got to see Oscar move for the first time, and it was one of the happiest moments of my life.

Oscar Calhoun Davis

We planned a home birth, but Oscar was breech, so I ended up with a c-section. The birth was bittersweet for me, because although I was beyond thrilled to have a happy, healthy, baby boy, I was devastated about my failed home birth. It was something we had been anticipating and preparing for during most of the pregnancy. We were so excited! The c-section happened so quickly, it left both of stunned. Luckily, we got Oscar. Who could ask for anything more?

I am so excited to celebrate my 100th post and my 2nd blogging anniversary. Here's to many more years of blogging!

If you read this blog, please do me a huge favor and leave a comment (even if you don't normally comment). I would love to hear from all of my readers!

When Tragedy Becomes History

Sandy Raymond — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 22:44:00 GMT

Oscar wasn't alive on September 11, 2001. For him, it will always be a date in a history book, the way the attack on Pearl Harbor is to me. One day, he will come home and ask me, "Where were you when it happened? What were you doing?" the way I asked my parents about the Kennedy assassination.

Oscar doesn't know about September 11. To him it is just another day. I will come home today and feed my son and know that he is still oblivious to the fact that there is evil in the world.

Oscar, this is where I was and what I was doing that day:

I went to school. I was an eighth grade teacher. My friend Diana came to my classroom and told me what happened, but we didn't have access to television that day. My students were filled with questions, rumors were flying, and information was still uncertain. I felt very frustrated and helpless. The teachers told the principal, we need to all go home and watch television, this is history. He disagreed. I went back to my classroom and cried in front of my students. Then I read to them, from a book called Holes, because I couldn't teach, and we all wanted to think about something else.

In between classes I went to the teacher's lounge to use the phone (this was before everyone had cell phones) to call Darin. I just needed to hear his voice, to tell him what happened, because I knew he wouldn't be watching television. Later, I finally got to go home, and I sat on the floor in Darin's office, both of us glued to the television for the rest of the night.

I will always remember that day as so very real and unreal at the same time. It wasn't possible, and yet there it was, again and again, on the television. My emotions that day were raw, and still seem real to me, as if it happened yesterday. It will never be history to me, but some day it will be a long time ago, and to Oscar it will be simply a collection of images and a story from his mother.

Wordless Wednesday--Oscar's Eyes

Sandy Raymond — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 15:59:00 GMT

Perfect Moment Monday--Cuddling

Sandy Raymond — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 14:55:00 GMT

Oscar was (finally) asleep and our (late) dinner had been eaten. Darin and I decided to watch the rest of the movie Watchmen, which I couldn't sit through the night before. So we sat on the couch and cuddled, which is something we've rarely done since Oscar was born, usually because we are playing with Oscar, or because I am too busy or too tired. It was wonderful to just rest my head on Darin's chest and feel his arms around me, because that's always been "home" to me, and I love it when we sit on the couch together and watch movies. There's a line in one of my favorite songs that goes, "When Friday night arrives we'll let it pass outside the door..." That's my favorite way to spend time with Darin, no reservations needed, no lines to wait in, and I can pause the movie anytime I want to pee, make popcorn, or sneak upstairs to watch Oscar sleeping, placing my hand gently on his chest to feel him breathe.

I Capture Perfect Moments.

For more perfect moments, visit Lori

Want to be a better writer? Read!

Sandy Raymond — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 14:51:00 GMT

When I'm frustrated with a problem I've encountered in my writing, and I don't know how to solve it, I reach for...my favorite novel. As a tool of procrastination? No, as a writer's guide. I find that studying the techniques of successful authors can be more effective than reading books about those techniques.

In her book Chapter after Chapter, Heather Sellers argues that you should rely on no more than six books for each writing project. She calls these "Wise Guides." According to Sellers, these six books should consist of three books on writing or craft, and three books "exactly like the one you wish to write."

When I was working on my MA in literature, we read for symbolism. We carefully broke apart the prose looking for bits of language to analyze like cells under a microscope. We were always trying to answer the question, what does it mean? Never once did we try to answer the question, how did they do it? That is now what I want to know.

In order to be a better writer you have to read a great deal of writing in the form in which you want to write. Want to be a poet? Read poetry. Want to be a blogger? Read blogs. Want to be a best selling novelist? Read best selling novels. If you don't like to read the form or genre in which you are trying to become a successful writer, you won't enjoy writing in that form or genre either.

Sellers promises, "In the three books like the one you want to write, you will find the answers to all your writing problems."

My Wise Guides (for my current writing project)

Books on craft:

Chapter After Chapter: Discover the Dedication and Focus You Need to Write the Book of Your Dreamsby Heather Sellers

No Plot? No Problem!: A Low-Stress, High-Velocity Guide to Writing a Novel in 30 Days by Chris Baty

Dojo Wisdom for Writers by Jennifer Lawler

Novels like the one I want to write:

The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova

The Eight by Katherine Neville

Sophie's World: A Novel About the History of Philosophy by Jostein Gaarder

What are your wise guides?

Perfect Moment Monday--My Boy

Sandy Raymond — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 05:06:00 GMT

The weekend before classes started, Oscar and I got to hang out together while his papa went camping with some friends. It was nice to spend some quality time with him before going back to work full-time.

Darin referred to Oscar as "his boy" shortly after he was born, and I liked the sound of it. Our boy. And he is such a boy. He reminds me of a description in Chaucer of a horsely horse, a horse that is the very definition of a horse. Oscar is a climber, a jumper, a fearless explorer. He is also smart and funny and sweet.

In the coming months I will be away from him more than I have ever been. The busy start of the school year already has me reeling (and neglecting this blog!) and I'm not sure how I'm going to get it all done. Most of all, I'm a little sad that I won't be there for every moment, every expression, every laugh, every gesture. However, I do get the special privilege of coming home at the end of the day and seeing that little face. What more could I ask for?

I Capture Perfect Moments.

For more perfect moments, visit Lori

Letter to Oscar--Month Six

Sandy Raymond — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 15:36:00 GMT

We are at the halfway mark, halfway until the clock strikes one year. It has been six months since your papa stopped me as I walked out the door on the way to the hospital. Stopped me for one last kiss, because we would leave as two and return as three.

You were a little pea in my pod last winter, and I'll never forget those hushed and snowy days when I held you in my belly and we communicated in the language only a mother and her unborn baby know, the language of touch and sound. But as hard as I try, I cannot remember the last time I felt you moving inside me. That makes me a little sad.

It's kind of ridiculous, I mean, you're not gone. You're right here at my feet pulling books off the shelf and shouting gleefully as you fling them to the far corners of the room.

All along during my pregnancy I planned on having a special moment to say goodbye to you, to that special closeness we would never share again. We went everywhere together, and we were one and the same for such a brief period. I assumed I would have a long labor, and it would take me a long time to push you out. It all happened so fast, the hospital, the bright lights, and then you were literally severed from me, and each day we are separated a little bit more.

First, your belly button healed and that last little bit of your umbilical cord fell off. Now you are beginning to eat solid foods, and eventually you will no longer need my milk. Each of these is a happy milestone and a victory of sorts. That's what life is, we have to leave the ones we love: to explore, to walk, to go to school, to make new friends, to become parents ourselves. Time doesn't stop, and I don't think we'd want it to.

At six months you are really coming into your personality. You are on the go, not crawling yet but that doesn't stop you. You love to talk to the stuffed animals in your crib. You also love to rearrange and redecorate every space you occupy. In that way you take after both of your grandmas. You like to shake your sippy cup joyously, watching and listening to the sloshing water. You like to feed yourself, thank you very much. You also suffer from food envy, just like your mama. What you're eating is good, but what somebody else is eating looks much more exciting. You prefer the remote control, the phone, Mama's shoes, and Papa's CD collection to any of your toys. You like to spend time alphabetizing your DVDs. You join in the conversation and you laugh at Mama's jokes, even if Papa doesn't think they're funny. My favorite time is when we bring you to bed in the morning and you roll over from one side to the other, grabbing each of our noses and squealing with delight., as if to say, "There you are, I'm so glad you're still here this morning. What are we going to do today?" We are delighted with you, our little boy, and are so glad you chose us to be your parents.

Love, Mama

Wordless Wednesday--Six Months Later

Sandy Raymond — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 23:14:00 GMT

For more Wordless Wednesdays, visit 5 Minutes for Mom

Perfect Moment Monday--Home

Sandy Raymond — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 22:47:00 GMT

Last night I got back from Tucson where I went for a few days with Oscar to visit my dad and his family. Darin and I both have family in Tucson, which is the only reason to go from a place where the average summer temperature is 80 degrees to a place where the average summer temperature is 110 degrees. I had a good time, but as always, being away from home makes me appreciate home that much more. Last night as I drove up into the mountains I turned off the air conditioner, rolled down the window, and breathed in the smell of cool, pine-scented evening air. That smell always makes me think one thing: Ah...home.

This morning I brought Oscar to bed at around 6:30. I nursed him and then he slept with us until 8:30. I've been doing this for about a week and I love it. First of all, Oscar sleeps later when he sleeps with us (this is only true in the mornings; he is normally too restless for co-sleeping and does better in his crib during the night). Secondly, when he's in bed with us he doesn't sleep with his face pressed into a blanket. He sleeps with his arms flung wide and a self-satisfied little smile. It's a smile that says, "I'm right where I belong."

I CapturePerfect Moments.

For more perfect moments, visit Lori

Wordless Wednesday--Contemplation

Sandy Raymond — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 17:48:00 GMT

For more Wordless Wednesdays, visit 5 Minutes for Mom

A Blog Award!

Sandy Raymond — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 15:33:00 GMT

I've been awarded the Scholastic Scribe Award by Carrie at Heim Binas Fiction. Thank you! This is my first blogging award, so I'm very honored.

The award rules:

Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass on the award to 5 the most deserving blogs.
Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog from whom he/she has received the award.
Each Superior Scribbler must display the award on his/her blog, and link to this post, which explains the award.
Each blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List. That way, we’ll be able tokeep up-to-date on everyone who receives this prestigious honor!
Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.

I now give this award to:

My lovely niece Britney at A Lily among Thorns to encourage her to write more.

Kristin, a wonderful mom and writer at Dragondreamer's Lair.

Lou Lou, a faithful blogging friend and commenter, at Loulou's Views.

Maria, whose blog Mommy Maria is funny, sarcastic, and touching.

Lori at Weebles Wobblog who always manages to inspire me.

Perfect Moment Monday--Oscar's Touch

Sandy Raymond — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 05:33:00 GMT

I have been very lucky to be a stay-at-home mom to Oscar this summer. I will be returning to work in a few weeks, so this is a good time for me to begin participating in Perfect Moment Monday, because I've been trying to slow down and savor these moments with Oscar.

Oscar loves to touch and explore my face. His favorite facial feature is noses. He loves my nose and his papa's nose, and also thinks it's funny when you grab his nose. My favorite time with Oscar is right after he is done nursing. He lays back on the Boppy and touches my face and "talks" to me and laughs. It's very intimate and precious. There is so much love in my heart for this little boy, sometimes I feel like it's going to explode.

I Capture Perfect Moments.

For more perfect moments, visit Lori

Strength Training for Writers

Sandy Raymond — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 14:59:00 GMT

Since giving birth five months ago I have been struggling to get my body and my writing habit back in shape. While browsing magazines and the internet for exercise tips, I realized that these can apply to writing as well.

1. Create a reasonable goal

I continue to fail because I set ridiculously impossible goals, like losing five pounds in one week, writing 4,000 words each day, and finishing my novel in three months. With a lively 5-month-old in the house I need to figure out a goal that I can manage, like writing one page (about 250 words) each day.

2. Design a program to meet that goal

If I want to lose ten pounds, and a half pound to a pound a week is a reasonable goal, then I work backwards from my goal and create a plan or program that I can follow. For example, if I want a rough draft of a book in one year, I figure out what needs to be done in the course of the year (research, drafting, joining a writing group, attending a conference, etc.) and break this down into small, attainable goals. Also, by staying focused on one project, I am more likely to achieve my goals than by flitting around between different projects without a final goal in mind.

3. Build up slowly

In weight lifting, if I start with too much weight I will hurt myself, and the prospect can also be daunting. I'm always put off by the advice to write at least an hour each day, because an hour seems like something I can't manage to find. But if I start with five minutes each day, I can slowly build my way up to an hour, by adding a few minutes each week until I meet my goal.

4. Be consistent

My usual writing process consists of setting unreasonably high goals (see above), working like a dog for a few days, then giving up in exhaustion. I would achieve more by doing a small amount each day. The effects of exercise and a healthy lifestyle are cumulative, as is writing progress. By writing a little each day and being consistent, eventually I will have a manuscript.

5. Track (and reward) your progress

A couple of years ago when I was training for a 10k race I created a chart to show my progress in miles. When I started training I could only run about 1/4 mile at a time, but by the end of twelve weeks I was running six miles without stopping. By looking at my chart each week I could see that I was making progress. I like to use a word count widget to keep track of my writing, because it shows how many words I have written, how many I want to write, and what percentage of my goal I have met.

9244 / 60000 words. 15% done!

Five Books to Help You Write a Memoir

Sandy Raymond — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 15:06:00 GMT

Memoir is not only a hot genre in the publishing industry, it's a great way to tell your story. You don't have to travel the world like Elizabeth Gilbert of Eat, Pray, Love fame, many successful memoirists have written on more mundane topics. According to Flannery O'Connor, "If you survived your childhood, you have enough material to write for the rest of your life."

Old Friend from Far Away: The Practice of Writing Memoir by Natalie Goldberg

Author of the classic writing advice book, Writing Down the Bones, Goldberg packs her book with easy and inspiring writing prompts. Almost all 310 pages of this book contain prompts. If you like writing prompts, this is the book for you. If not, be sure to check out her other writing books, each of which has it's own unique approach. At the end of the book she includes a list of great memoirs to read.

"We know the particulars, but what really went on? We want the emotional truths under the surface that drove our life."

Keep It Real: Everything You Need to Know About Researching and Writing Creative Nonfiction
by Lee Gutkind

Creative non-fiction and memoir are not exactly the same genre, but there is enough overlap to make this book worthwhile, especially because Gutkind addresses issues such as how to deal with writing about family members and real people, as well as the distinction between public and private writing. He even devotes an entire chapter to the memoir craze.

"When you look at our tendency these days to interface with technology rather than one another, perhaps the surprise is not that memoirs are flourishing but that anyone questions the trend. Neuropsychologists are discovering that the impulse for story is likely hard-wired into our brains. The less we talk to one another, the more our personal narratives--our confessions, our dark sides, our recitations of the things we do in secret--will seek other ways to emerge, finding voice in the genre of memoir."

Writing as a Way of Healing: How Telling Our Stories Transforms Our Lives by Louise DeSalvo

We have all been wounded in some way or another, and writing can help us explore our emotions and heal. DeSalvo's book takes us beyond journal writing, teaching us how to craft a polished narrative, and shows us how making this type of writing public is the ultimate last step in the healing process.

"The more writing succeeds as narrative--by being detailed, organized, compelling, vivid, lucid--the more health and emotional benefits are derived from writing."

Fearless Confessions: A Writer's Guide to Memoir by Sue William Silverman

This book is about the art of confession, about writing the truth of our lives. Silverman not only explains the genre of memoir and the different elements of the writing process, she gives us the courage to tell our true stories, in part by telling her own story at the same time.

"This is what happened. I had a father. He had a successful career. But behind closed doors, when no one watched, when no one saw, he sexually molested me. This is what happened to me."

Writing a Woman's Life by Carolyn Heilbrun

This small, classic text addresses both the practical and philosophical aspects of memoir and autobiography, particularly as it is written about women's lives. Heilbrun explores the history of writing by and about women and how the truth of their lives has been suppressed. Her writing gives voice to these women, and provides inspiration to a new generation of women and men to write real stories in new ways. Although Heilbrun wrote this book long before blogging, her discussion of how women's stories emerge and are shared reminds me of this new mode of writing and sheds light on why it has become so popular.

"I suspect that female narratives will be found where women exchange stories, where they read and talk collectively of ambitions, and possibilities, and accomplishments. I do not believe that new stories will find their way into texts if they do not begin in oral exchanges among women in gorups hearing and talking to one another."

See also:

Ten Books for Mothers Who Write

For more great writing books, check out my virtual bookstore

Wordless Wednesday--Joy

Sandy Raymond — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 04:34:00 GMT

For more Wordless Wednesdays, visit 5 Minutes for Mom

40 and 23

Sandy Raymond — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 04:15:00 GMT

Darin turned 40 this weekend, and it was also the 23rd anniversary of when we first met. I know this because I met him the night before his seventeenth birthday.

Here we are, then and now:

What can I tell you about what it means to know someone for twenty-three years, and to have a baby with him? For each of those twenty-three years I have loved Darin more than I thought it was possible to love. My love for him only gets stronger and better. We combined twenty-three years of love with each of our twenty-three chromosomes and made Oscar, the most beautiful little boy anyone could ever imagine. I can never give Darin a gift that compares to the gift he has given me in the form of our son.

Here are some things you may not know about Darin: He is gentle and compassionate. He is graceful and athletic. He is very, very intelligent. He is one the funniest and most creative people I know. He can cook. He is a master gardener. He does illustration and comic book art, but he is also a talented painter and sculptor (even though he will never admit it). He also plays the guitar beautifully. How lucky am I?

In twenty-three years you learn a lot about people, the good with the bad. We have had our share of ups and downs, slammed doors and broken dishes and broken hearts and hurt feelings. Every angry word floats out there, always there, and I regret every one of them. We will only be given so many moments, and I want them all to be worthwhile. I want Darin to know that I would take it all back, that I would trade every one of those words for a kiss or a hug or a joke. From this day forward I make it my mission to create more positive moments than negative interactions.

Love doesn't have to fall victim to entropy; it doesn't have to diminish with time. We have never been closer or happier since the birth of our son. We have to work at our relationship (who doesn't?), but it's worth it. Each and every minute of the last twenty-three years has been worth it.

Darin, here is what I give you for your fortieth birthday: I give you my intention to spend the next forty years with you, or how ever many years we are given. It is my intention to sit with you when you are eighty, whether in the sun or the rain or the snow, and to lay my head on your shoulder and to say to you, "Thank you for making my life a poem, a painting, a song."

Wordless Wednesday--Feet

Sandy Raymond — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 15:45:00 GMT

For more Wordless Wednesdays, check out 5 Minutes for Mom