Finding My Way
I really have no idea what I'm doing.
Flying by the seat of my pants is something I'm used to doing while teaching, cooking, and accessorizing, but it's not something I am entirely comfortable with when it comes to parenting. After all, I am shaping a human being.
I am continuously astonished by how being a parent has changed my life. I used to think I had it all under control, but one thing after another crumbled beneath me.
- I knew I would have a home birth. I wasn't expecting to have a breech baby and an emergency c-section.
- I knew I would breastfeed. I wasn't expecting three months of excruciating pain or having a baby that wanted to eat hourly at 9 months. I am now going against LLL and putting him on a schedule (gasp!).
- I knew I wouldn't let my baby "cry-it-out." I wasn't expecting that he would never sleep through the night.
- I knew I would co-sleep. I wasn't expecting to have a baby who slept better alone in his crib.
- I knew I would not vaccinate. I wasn't expecting that I would decide to vaccine my child on a modified schedule and that I would change my whole world view about vaccinations.
- I knew I would not allow Oscar to watch television. I wasn't expecting how desperately lonely it can be to be home with a baby, or how well reruns of Friends can alleviate that loneliness.
- I knew I would fall in love. I just had no idea how hard.
I'm not a perfect mom, and Oscar will not be a perfect child. But one day I realized that I don't want him to be perfect. I hate perfect people!
I'm tired, so I started letting Oscar cry instead of getting up to feed him every two hours. I decided to cut out one feeding at a time, and currently his bedtime is 7:00, I feed him before I go to bed, and then he usually sleeps from around midnight until 5:00 A.M., which is HEAVENLY.
Oscar got the H1N1 vaccine. He had no side effects at all, as has been the case with all of his vaccines.
I worry A LOT. I worry that Oscar will get sick or injured. I'm actually pretty pissed that I created this magical little person, because now there is no way I could live without him.
Oscar is funny as hell. We play this game now where I yell and then he yells. Sometimes I look at him, take a deep breath, and we both yell at the same time. I have decided that this is now my all-time favorite activity.
Having a kid will really and truly ruin your life. In the best possible way.
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Thursday, November 19. 2009
uberVU - social comments wrote:
This post was mentioned on Twitter by alittlesandy: New blog post: Finding My Way...http://bit.ly/2okTc0
I have felt all of those things as well. You are much more patient than me because after 4 months I was done with the whole no schedule thing. Isaac became a different person when he had a routine- SO much happier. He also felt more secure because he knew what to expect instead of the typical chaos.
I love that first picture. Chubby baby in cute sweats. Darling.
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What wonderful thoughts.
Parenting is so humbling, because things you were certain of in the abstract carry no certainty in the concrete.
Except that he is really cute.
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I can relate to all of those things and a few others that you will find out as Oscar grow by leaps and bounds over the next year. My youngest is 20 months and rarely sleeps through the night even now.
Children are the one thing in the world that will truly make you feel like Dr. Jeckl and Mrs. Hyde. They make you crazy and melt your heart sometimes all in the same moment. As far as planning as long as you know your plans will most likely never work out you'll do just fine. Besides there are plenty of us moms out here that are pulling our hair out, worrying over big and little things, and losing sleep because we want to watch our babies sleep right along with you.
congrats he's adorable.
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Look at that face!! And I love the shirt hes wearing
And you are so right--O has made me stop and look at life in a whole new light.
You are doing a FANTASTIC job of balancing it all!
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Thanks, JJ! It's a Linus t-shirt that the parents of some friends gave us (don't know where they got it). It suits Oscar because he loves his blankie!
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I would breast feed on demand then my mom, a nurse and avid BF supporter made a great point- Letting my breast fill up with milk will allow for shorter more satisfying feedings. It took a week and a paci- no judgment please- but soon they were feeding every 4 hours- sleeping better at night. Plus they became more interactive.
Kids will make you crazy in love, that is their job
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I agree! Every since I have put Oscar on more of a schedule, he eat for longer, and he is more focused about it. Before he would just latch on for a few seconds and get distracted.
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This is wonderful. Yes. Everything changes. I found it so much easier to keep an open mind. And learn how to think outside the box. And be willing to try anything. ANY.THING.
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What a wonderful post Sandy. You've captured all the beauty and all the anguish of motherhood in one short post.
Oscar is just adorable.
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